We are all born with this thing called ‘intuition.’ It serves as an internal guide that comes from a certain ‘knowing’ that has little to do with thoughts or emotions. Our intuition is that tiny voice in our gut that tries to get our attention with a certain uneasy sensation.
The word “intuition” comes from the Latin verb intueri, translated as consider. And truly, we must reconsider a relationship when our intuition starts ringing its bell, which is what happened with Matt.
Things were going great when we began dating in July and agreed that we were not going to sleep with other people. But by September of that same year, I found myself walking around my studio in circles, my intuition ringing out. Something was amiss. Intuition seemed to ring its tiny bell.
I recall talking myself off the proverbial ledge with the familiar mantras: Stop it! He has given you no reason to mistrust him. Why are you making up stories in your head that there is someone else? He’s a nice guy! You are just sabotaging a good thing because you’re afraid of commitment. My gut continued to churn for the remainder of that month. I was baffled.
Fast forward three months and I had calmed my anxious voices. Things were progressing and I was more in love than ever. And, deep in lust. The sex was amazing, and we had successfully navigated a few long travel weekends. We had introduced our kids, and I heard wedding bells ring faintly in the back of my mind.
After one particularly awesome evening out, we returned to his house to settle in for the night. I heard my iPhone ding with a text and picked it up only to realize I had accidentally picked up Matt’s phone.
“Did you leave the door open for me tonight?” the text read. It was 11:02 p.m., and from a woman I knew as his ex-girlfriend.
I flew into a rage! I confronted him, and then listened while he did his best to convince me that it was a rogue, drunk-dial from his ex. I wanted to believe him. I chose to believe him. Because, how could the man I love look me in the eye and lie to me about such a thing? Although my heart and head decided to give my man immunity, my gut rang out.
“He’s lying,” she scolded.
“Unthinkable,” my mind rebutted.
“You can’t trust him.”
“But, I love him.”
I’ll spare you the details of the next few weeks, and just admit that I did what any self-respecting woman would do in this circumstance and snoop.
And so, one night while he was sleeping, I grabbed his phone and started scrolling. And guess what? I found exactly what I was looking for: a trail of emails to his Ex. Indeed, he had continued to maintain contact. Indeed, he was cheating on me. And, he revealed himself to be a liar. The relationship ended and I was left wondering how the sum of my senses knew more than each one individually.
Our minds will talk us into and out of lots of relationships. Our hearts and libidos can lead us astray, as well. But, when our intuition begins to rumble in our bellies, it behooves us to take a moment to listen to that tiny voice. Ladies and gentlemen, if you start to get that funny little feeling in your gut that your partner is lying to you, listen up! There is a very good chance that he or she is doing just that! Let’s heed the sensation of our intuition. Truly, it is often more perceptive than our hearts and minds in the matters of lust and love.